A couple of weeks ago I started my
new semester in college. And as I was meeting up with my friend, she happened
to recommend Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project".
At first, it occurred to me that I
wouldn't need to read a book that is three-hundred-and-so pages long about
self-help or happiness when I was already blessed with many fundamentals of the
latter. But then my friend insisted and I followed my old rule of reading; give
any book that falls in hands a try.
On the contrary of what I had thought
about it before actually reading it, this book is not exactly about trying to
achieve happiness for someone who is completely unhappy or depressed, which
could be a serious condition. Rather, it is more about pursuing a happier lifestyle
and feeling more content about one’s life, which is what the author was trying
to do, through setting up 12 resolutions and being committed to apply them for
a whole year – one resolution a month.
Her “Make Time for Friends”
resolution for June – which is among my favourites, really moved me as it reminded
me of my own fault of never really getting in touch with a number of good friends
ever since the last time I had seen them. Strangely enough, many of these
friendships eventually fade away with no particular reason other than distance.
In this same chapter, there is a section about “Cutting People Slack” as a form
of generosity, and here I’ll quote Rubin’s neat explanation of the latter from
the book:
“The ‘fundamental attribution error’
is a psychological phenomenon in which we tend to view other people’s actions
as reflections of their characters and to overlook the power of situation to
influence their actions, whereas with ourselves, we recognize the pressures of
circumstance. When other people’s cell phones ring during a movie, it’s because
they’re inconsiderate boors; if my cell phone rings during a movie, it’s
because I need to be able to take a call from the babysitter.”
Rubin also adds, “I tried to
remember not to judge people harshly, especially on the first or second
encounter. Their actions might not reveal their enduring character but instead reflect
some situation they find themselves in. Forbearance is a form of generosity.”
To be able to “cut people slack” or
simply give someone the benefit of the doubt has got to be among the most
noble, yet challenging virtues to implement. So much easier said than done. But
once one learns how to apply it in every-day life, it will become a major contributor
to happiness.
In her July resolution “Buy Some
Happiness” where she tries to correlate and understand the connection between
money and happiness, Rubin thoughtfully explains, “Money doesn’t buy
happiness the way good health doesn’t buy
happiness. When money or health is a problem, you think of little else; when
it’s not a problem, you don’t think much about it. Both money and health
contribute to happiness mostly in the negative; the lack of them brings much
more unhappiness than possessing them brings happiness.”
I think
this conclusion is true in so many ways. The same day I read this paragraph and
momentarily appreciated my well-being, I fell ill by night and was totally overwhelmed
how much good health is taken for granted.
Somewhere near the end of the book,
the writer also explains the difference between a goal and a resolution: “You
hit a goal, you keep a resolution.” In other words, you reach a goal by
finishing this book, but you keep a resolution of making time for friends,
exercising better, keeping a gratitude notebook, or pursuing a passion. While
reading about Rubin’s blog launching, I was so encouraged to check out my long-forgotten
blog and write a post - which is this review – for the first time in more than
three years.
I think I started to enjoy this book
straight away. Why? Because it is light and relative to things that hang on my mind
but never really express, not to mention that Rubin’s style is very engaging
and unfailingly thrilling, sometimes even funny. What further enhances this
book is the extensive research the writer displayed. The content is not
earth-shattering literature, but it is considerably filled with profound truths
and honest observations.
It was an enjoyable read and I
highly recommend this book.
(P.S.: I recommend reading the edition of the book - if available - that is updated with new material, as it contains a reading group guide at the end which could be very useful for a book club, and a number of schemes that summarize all the major concepts of the book.)
- Sara A.
